I don’t like to think of myself as a cynical person.
I’d like to believe that I’m hopeful, optimistic…idealistic to a degree bordering on foolish.
But I’m not sure if that’s the case anymore.
Because lately I’ve been wondering, why do people write?
Why do I have this blog?
Why do I even bother?
I’ve never had an honest-to-goodness existential crisis.
So I guess this blog-xistential crisis will have to suffice.
On the surface, I know the answer to the question I’m asking: I write because I love it; because I believe it’s something I was put here to do; because it gives me joy and fulfillment.
And this blog is part of that.
But that’s only the tip of the tip of the iceberg.
I bought a domain name. I made a Facebook page.
I got on my soapbox, gave myself a voice, and – for better or worse – expect some people to listen.
In Jamaica there’s a saying:
“Mout weh tun cross-way mek fi seh anyting.” (Jamaican English)
“Mout we ton kraas-wie mek fi se eniting.” (Jumiekan)
“Any mouth turned sideways is made to say anything.” (English)
The translation doesn’t fully communicate the idea, but what it means is that one of the sole purposes of this sideways-turned organ at the front and center of our faces is…talking.
That’s what it’s there for.
It’s what it does.
It serves as a conduit to deliver abstract thoughts that have been processed by our brains into a collection of intelligible sounds, out into the world.
It’s not responsible for the thoughts, or the processing. Just the talking.
And since everyone has one of these, they’re very frequently put to use.
I’ve come to realize that, just as how knowing something and doing it are two entirely different things…saying something and actually knowing it are separate altogether.
And yeah…EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS!
But so few really know. (And that includes me.)
It gets tiring. And it’s made me a bit disillusioned.
Just a little bit.
I think it’s safe to say that the act of talking (and by extension, writing) – in and of itself – is almost entirely meaningless…when it comes on to actual personal growth and change.
Growth is a long, arduous and difficult process. And witty one-liners and catch phrases may sound cute, but in the heat of this crazy thing called life, they’re going to lose out to old habits and ingrained, unconscious beliefs.
Something uncomfortably inconvenient, but equally freeing, that I’ve come to realize is that people who talk about particular issues are probably the LAST persons you should accept advice from when it comes on to those issues.
Well, if they really knew how to deal with them…they wouldn’t even find the need to talk about it.
The best person to “listen” to in solving a problem, would be the person who doesn’t have that problem. But…they aren’t the ones doing the talking, are they?
I think this may all come across as counter-productive, existential crisis-y, psychobabble nonsense…but, this constant questioning of my purpose is the only way I can keep myself on track.
Am I going to stop blogging???
OF COURSE NOT!
Why the f*ck would I do that??? 😀
I’m just saying…to remind myself…and you…whoever happens to be reading this…
The reading, the writing, is only 1% of the work.
Accumulating all the knowledge on human behaviour that the Internet has to offer (and if you’re like me and you spend time looking it up, you’ll know it’s A LOT) won’t make you much more self-aware.
And reading this blog, won’t actually make you a better person.
It’s – at best – a fairly productive pastime.
So, in what can only be described as the ultimate act of writers’ suicide, I’m going to say to you, whoever you are: Stop reading my blog.
And go LIVE your life.